‘Tears, Movement and Sound are part of your emotional digestive system. These things help release blocked energy in the body. Moving through pain by feeling your way through it is “pain that ends the pain”. Dr. Christiane Northrup
I used to be proud of the fact that I could count on one hand how many times I’d cried in a year. These days I couldn’t tell you how many times I felt tears roll down my face or had a full blown sobbing session in a week. What I discovered from suffering through the consequences of my unwillingness to really feel my emotions is that not only did it affect my health, but it held me back in so many ways from living the life I wanted.
I couldn’t get in touch with my true desires, I had trouble expressing myself creatively or creating a career I loved, I had many broken relationships with men and women and even though I managed to avoid my pain, I was also unable to experience pure joy.
I had hoped I could wear a mask of perfection that didn’t include what I considered revealing my messy emotions. If I was angry, I’d try to ignore it, stuff it down and if I couldn’t, it would come out passive aggressively. If I was sad or hurt, I would try my best to hold back my tears, put on a happy smile and pretend everything was fine.
I used food, shopping, being busy or my intimate relationships to numb the uncomfortable emotions I was so terrified of really feeling.
Somewhere along the way I learnt it wasn’t safe or appropriate to express how I really felt. I believed I would appear unattractive, unlovable and worst of all I’d be seen for who I really was, and what I really thought.
I came to a pivotal point in my life where I was painfully depressed and my life was a mess. I had no idea who I was or what I’d become and I could see how I’d aged and lost my radiance. The self-hatred I could no longer ignore forced me to make a choice of whether I wanted to continue just existing or do what it would take, to truly start living.
I chose to start living and so I committed myself to simply staying with any kind of uncomfortable emotion that arose. I would allow my emotion to have a voice, writing freely in my journals without trying to be ‘nice’ or edit the dialogue that was coming out. I began to really listen to what my feelings had to say and became acutely aware of my inner voice. What was surprising was when I gave myself the freedom to let my emotions be what they wanted, I could trace back to where they came from. I traced back as far my childhood to incidents I had forgotten that I’d still held anger for. The more I gave myself permission to feel without judgement, the more I uncovered what wanted to be released.
I finally allowed all the years of anger, pain, guilt, disappointment and shame that I had suppressed under layers of inauthenticity to surface. I realised not only was it important that I really feel ALL my emotions but to love them as well. Love them for being messengers and signals informing me of what wasn’t working in my life. Love them for giving me access to empathy, which gave me a much greater ability to connect with others. Love them for giving me access to deep joy, humility and gratitude. It’s an interesting paradox, that when you have delved into the depths of your pain it gives you access to greater depths of love and joy. I embraced it all and I set myself free.
My emotions breathed life back into my entire being. Ironically the thing I resisted for so long became my greatest ally, strength and gift. I also have come to realise the significance of my relationship with my emotions as something unique and naturally designed to be a woman’s gift and power in this world.
Our bodies are designed to be deeply connected to our emotions and to the emotions of the people around us in a way that is different from men. We have more estrogen flowing through our bodies that rise and fall in a way which doesn’t occur in a man’s body. Experiments comparing men’s brains with women’s show that women generally have much greater access to emotional intelligence and intuition.
And so when we disconnect from what makes us powerful even though we may not be fully conscious of it, it greatly affects our wellbeing.
Today I have created a multitude of tools to allow my emotions to move through me. I’ve made being in touch with my ‘feelings’ as important as the food I put in my body.
As my connection with my emotions deepens, I am seeing this act of self-love reflected in all areas of my life. My relationships are healthier, deeper and more fulfilling, I am creating a career I love and I see my radiance returning.
The journey to feeling and expressing my emotions in the most healthy way is an ongoing one and probably one I shall spend my life uncovering & understanding.
“Our emotions are the gateway to our soul, the guidance system for our bodies, and the medicine for all aspects of our health through which we can experience the full spectrum of this amazing life.” ~ Hannah Lo
Discover how to access and activate your superpowers at my 4-Part Workshop Series – ‘Awaken Your Feminine Super Powers' being held on January 10th, 17th and 31st at Organica Lifestyle. For more information, visit http://tinyurl.com/olvpdf4 or http://superpower.peatix.com